Without trying to delve into totally philosophical questions, such as, ‘How do I know whether I exist?’ or ‘What is truth?’, I am posing a question that often confuses many.
It is very challenging for anyone to really know themselves. The main way we grow to know who we are as a person is in the context of a healthy family. We act and others respond or react. We learn what works, what we like, what makes others happy or sad or angry, what is inappropriate or not, and much more – in the context of close and relatively ‘safe’ relationships.
If family is not ‘safe’ then we may not learn these things about ourselves which makes life and relationships much more difficult.
There is a self-awareness tool called the Jo-Hari window (named after the two psychologists who designed it) which summarises how this process works. It describes ‘the self’ in relationships. The basic idea is that the best way to learn about yourself is in the context of real relationships with people you know and trust. The four quadrants of the ‘window’ represent the whole self. They suggest the only way for a person to grow in self-understanding and expand their self-awareness is for them to interact and to receive feedback from others regarding ‘blind spots’. Then the ‘Aha’ moments of self revelation tend to happen in the midst of relationships or when reflecting on what we learned in the midst of relationships. The greater the self awareness the healthier the person.
I have just found another tool that is even more helpful to assist in your journey to know yourself well. This tool is has a scientific basis (tested with 73,000 people with an accuracy of 88%). It is called Extended DISC Personal Analysis. DISC analysis is a personality profiling tool developed in the 1950’s and Extended DISC Personal Analysis extends that into a behavioural tool measuring and predicting how a person will tend to respond in all kinds of situations and conditions as well as within a team framework with different types of people.
I ask the original question, ‘How well do you know yourself?’ because I found that Extended DISC Personal Analysis has really helped me to grasp who I am and how I behave more clearly than anything I have ever used before. It really is quite releasing to admit to myself and accept how my mind works and how I tend to relate to people.
In some of my past roles in life I have had to act a long way out of my comfort zones. Now while that was ok for a while, it was not sustainable long term without major emotional costs. Now I understand why I paid such a painful emotional cost in a high pressure leadership role. I did the role well but doing it for more than 20 years did not do me well. I wish I had known about Extended DISC Personal Analysis and been helped to understand myself so that I could better look after myself a long time ago.
If you would like to know more then please check my website
I am now a fully accredited consultant and practitioner of Extended-DISC and can assist you with Extended DISC Personal Analysis, Work Pairs or Team Analysis.
How well do you really know yourself?
To learn more about Extended DISC Personal Analysis go to http://www.extendeddisc.co.nz/index.php