Uncomfortable is very different to Unsafe
Uncomfortable does not mean unsafe. The opposite of uncomfortable is comfortable. Unsafe means dangerous. An uncomfortable conversation is not automatically dangerous. In fact, it is not usually dangerous. When a manager or colleague is intent on wielding power abusively, using anger or personal insults, does a workplace conversation become unsafe.
According to Zandy Fell, director at The Zalt Group, some people have wrongly and unhelpfully confused uncomfortable with unsafe. She suggests we need to make sure we educate people to use the correct language to describe what they are experiencing. “When you challenge me like that, I feel uncomfortable” is often true and can be good, but it should not become “You are making me feel unsafe.” While psychological safety is a desirable part of a workplace culture, some are distorting the concept to shut down anything that makes them feel uncomfortable.
The danger is that all workplace conflict becomes seen as a bad thing. This would be a disaster for genuine creativity and collaboration among passionate individuals and teams.
Creativity often emerges from conflicting views
Uncomfortable conversations are almost always part of the way things progress in any organisation. The creative process works best when people come at a project or problem from different angles. Different perspectives and opinions are freely expressed, often passionately. If there is a good level of trust and respect for each team member, views can be expressed strongly, and people’s ideas scrutinised and tested. Some who are new to such a dynamic environment may find this uncomfortable, but it is wonderful. And increasingly, rare.
I know people who view all conflict negatively. This is usually because they have experienced a lot of conflict at home, and it makes them feel insecure and anxious. They are not sure where the line between uncomfortable and unsafe lies. Compassionate and empathetic leaders can help such people on their personal growth journey to view conflict more positively, and with less anxiety.
Personal growth is uncomfortable. Doing new things is uncomfortable.
If we give in to those who want to be protected from all uncomfortable conversations, then progress and productivity will be limited. If a manager is not allowed to ever challenge a person on their team, they will not be able to help them grow. A good leader will seek to draw out the potential in a team member. They will connect with them personally. They will seek to understand them deeply. And they will challenge them when they are not working to their potential.
If a manager is not able to hold someone accountable for their actions, then a business will drift rather than grow according to any plan. It can be an uncomfortable conversation to hold someone to account when they are obviously not performing to an agreed standard. That challenge is what that team member needs to realise they are underperforming and need assistance to keep growing in their role.
Leading well involves learning to have uncomfortable conversations …often
We are all different. Some are highly motivated. Others need encouragement and reminders to do well. Some are slow to get started because they hate making mistakes. Others are perfectionists who like to take things very slowly and get it right. Still others are people oriented and get easily distracted from the task at hand.
Managers and leaders need to take all this into account and know their people well. Amid building a high performing team there must come a day when an agreement is made from all participants that uncomfortable conversations are normal. It needs to be part of the culture. Egos need to be left at the door, and everyone should be free to challenge any idea in a constructive way. Genuine relationship and respect are the two key non-negotiables that lay the foundation for such a working environment.
Every leader should make this their goal.
Every team member I know would love to work in that environment.
John Drury Business Mentor – mentoring to develop the leader within you, and to raise up and empower the leaders around you. If you are interested in learning to become a better leader within your business, please reach out for a free conversation (Book here).
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